You're Here Yet So Far Away
by xXElleGurlXx
Summary: In New Moon. Edward leaves Bella, but he and the Cullens stay in Forks. The night of Bella's 18th, after the party, something transpires that changes everything. How will Bella hide it from the Cullens? And Edward? ExB Rated M People!
1. Prologue

Hey, I know, this is my third fanfic and the other two only have one chapter, meaning, they are by no means even really started. Well, I got this great idea the other day and just had to write it. I'm SERIOUS about this one. I will try to get a chapter up each week. And, I'm hoping it will be better quality than a lot of the other Edward leaves Bella, stories. No offense (even though that never really helps any), but a lot of them seem like they were written by 10 year olds.

Ok, so this is rated M, so there WILL be some Swearing, a bit of blood, and, YES! Lemons! *Happy dance, spank da booty* :P

Ahem. So...Stephanie Meyer owns all rights to the Twilight Saga, and I am just temporarily borrowing it. Thank you, Steph! You're SUCH a darling! Mwah! *Kissies*

Well, mah fish, here we go!

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Prologue:

As I've known for awhile; death is easy, but life is hard. But right now, dying, I'm questioning if maybe life would be worth it given my circumstances. Because someone needs me.

My vision faded out, smudged by tears, sweat, blood, exhaustion, and the imminent nothingness awaiting me. Sounds exploded in my ears, tearing and scratching at my sluggish thought process. Screams - is that me? - high-pitched and keening, banging, like metal being pushed against, and crying. There were two different cries though. One deep, torn, velvet sobs, while the other was light, small, cracked chiming bells. Almost like a baby's….

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So, how was the prologue? I'm going to post up the first chapter in about an hour when I have it done. :D

Review!


	2. Chapter 1 The Ending And the Beginning

Hey. So...I'm back. Finally. This is the first real chapter. I just want to see how many people are interested in my story. I don't have ANY other chapters ready. And, it's going to take me a while to write another. What I'm thinking of doing, is kind of having this be like, a preview for a movie, except it's like one of those first few minutes teaser things, and see who's interested, then write a WHOLE lot more, so then I can update weekly, continue writing, and NOT leave everyone hanging for another year or so after my initial writing period. So...READ AND REVIEW!...Please?

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Chapter 1:

"It's still my birthday." I looked up at him through my eyelashes, gauging his reaction. He looked at me warily. "Kiss me." I whispered.

"Bella…" he murmured cautiously.

"Please." I pleaded.

He ran his hand through his messy locks, heaving out a sigh. He looked pained, yet resigned. Defeated. But, he didn't do what I expected. He walked over to my bed where I was sitting atop the covers, and sat down across from me, crossing his legs.

He looked into my eyes, dark honey burning into muddy brown. He reached forward, cupping my cheek in his right hand, cradling my neck with his left. His cold touch made my skin buzz with electricity and a warmth I could only describe as love.

As always, the intensity of his gaze made my skin heat and flush, making my cheeks pink, so I turned my head into his hand and lightly kissed his palm. He slid his hand down to my chin and pulled my face toward his. When our lips were just centimeters apart, he stopped the movement of his hand, and stared into my eyes. Searching.

My breathing started to lightly drag up my throat, making it ragged and shaky. And his smell wasn't making it any easier on me either. Have I ever told you how much I love his smell? Honey, lilac, something warm and light, almost like the sun, and something spicy that was just plain Edward, but almost cinnamon-like. Yeah. It's _that _good. And, yes, I have taken the time to sort through the mixture of scents making up his perfect Edward-y scent.

Bringing me out of my scent induced daze, Edward lightly kissed me on the lips, pulling back before I could reciprocate. Except for, he wasn't done. He kept at it, peppering my lips with light, sweet kisses every few seconds. After the first few they became more desperate and passionate.

Finally, after sweetly teasing me, he rose up to his knees, cradled my face between both his hands lovingly, and kissed me full on.

My hands slipped into his hair, clutching the soft, messy, bronze strands. Our lips moved together, with a sense of urgency. He leaned forward, forcing me to lay down. He hovered above me, making sure that I felt none of his weight, but still felt him.

He pulled back, hands on either side of my head, panting.

"I love you, Edward." I whispered, staring into his now almost black eyes.

"I want to make love to you, Bella." he whispered.

My breath caught. My thoughts stopped. And, it must have been longer than I thought, because Edward started to get up from the bed, face pained, and running his hands through his hair.

"You're right. It's probably not a good idea. I'll just leave for tonight."

"No!" I gasped out as quickly as I could before he could disappear from my room. "I-I want you to make love to me. I was just….._shocked._ Because, well, you know, you always pull away, and-" I looked up from my twiddling hands to see him smirking. "And I'm rambling." I huffed.

Edward started chuckling and made his way back to my bed. "You're adorable when you do that, you know."

I scowled at him. "Sure I am."

"Hey." he cupped my face with his hands. "You. Are. Amazing. You are the most beautiful, adorable, smartest, funniest, clumsiest girl I've ever met, and I _love_ you."

I leaned up and kissed him softly. His cold lips molded to mine, caressing and suckling. I lay down on my bed, pulling him with me. For the first time, I felt his tongue touch my lips, hesitantly asking for entrance. I opened my mouth, feeling his tongue stroke my own, softly.

When I needed to breathe, his lips left mine, but never left my skin. He trailed down my neck, leaving soft, wet, open mouthed kisses. He kissed a spot right behind my ear, and I moaned from the shock of pleasure that zipped through me. Edward kept at that spot for minutes, making me whimper and my stomach start to warm and swirl in pleasure.

I reached for his shirt and unbuttoned it, caressing every bit of new skin revealed, as Edward gasped above me.

He slid his shirt off, then slowly started removing mine; kissing up from my stomach, in between my breasts, to my collarbone as he slid my shirt up. He unclasped my bra, revealing my chest to him.

And he sat there and stared. Embarrassed, I crossed my arms over my chest to cover myself.

"Don't hide yourself from me. You're exquisite." he whispered reverently. He entwined his hands with mine and held them by my head.

He leaned down, kissing each of my breasts once. Dragging his nose down my stomach inhaling, he groaned. "You smell so good, love."

"I always smell good to you." I stated, confused.

"No. I'm not talking about your blood." he said, staring up at me from under his dark lashes as he kissed right above the waistband of my sweats. I gasped, blushing as I comprehended what he was talking about. "Don't be embarrassed, love. It's extraordinarily intoxicating." he reassured as he slowly slid my sweats down my legs.

When I noticed that he was still wearing his pants and that I was only in my underwear I felt inexplicably shy. "Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?" He murmured as he softly nuzzled his way up my leg.

"Can you take off your pants?" He froze. "…Please? I'm feeling very exposed right now." As understanding dawned on him Edward stood up, unzipped his pants, and pulled them down, a small smirk on his lips.

The sight before me was so stunning I promised myself I'd never forget it. Edward wasn't wearing underwear. "Why….why are you not wearing underwear?"

"I never wear any. Frankly…it's uncomfortable." He smirked as he stalked towards me. "But, correct me if I'm wrong, I do believe that we are uneven again, Ms. Swan." He slid my underwear off of my body.

We were naked. Together. And he was going to make love to me.

Edward gazed into my eyes as he trailed his hand softly down my body, and down to my core. He moaned lightly and I whimpered as his fingers met with warm wetness. After exploring my lower lips he gently slid his finger into my core. We both gasped simultaneously. The shock of his cold digit where no one had been before was excitingly pleasurable. I had never been comfortable touching myself. The ache was almost always present, but I was always too timid to give myself release in that way. I had my trusty showerhead for that and even that made me feel uncomfortable in a way.

"Love…I'm going to take a guess and say that you've never…touched yourself?" I nodded, confused as to why he sounded so apprehensive. "Love, you're…very tight. I'm going to need to take some time to…stretch you. As of right now I…I wouldn't be able to enter you without you being in immense pain." I nodded, understanding as I took another shy peak at his manhood.

_Holy crow! Even if he stretches me with his fingers…_

Edward began to slowly slide his finger in and out of my core. The feeling was foreign, but made me feel warm and tingly. **(A.N. It's Bella people. I'm trying to stay in character in this chapter. Mostly.)** Suddenly, he entered a second finger and I could feel myself start to stretch. It wasn't completely unpleasant though. Just a slight sting. All the while Edward kept a vigil gaze on my face, making sure I wasn't in any major pain.

By the time he slid a third finger into me, I was moaning and whimpering in pleasure as my body hugged his cold flesh. "Edward…God, don't stop." I panted.

His breathing hitched. "Bella…you're so warm." I was so distracted by the thought of his fingers being within me that I hadn't noticed the semi-familiar tightening in my belly, or the shaking in my thighs. As I released, I gasped out Edward's name.

As I calmed down from my high, Edward locked eyes with me. It was time. Interlocking his fingers with mine as he hovered above me, Edward lined himself up with my entrance. "Are you ready, love?"

I nodded.

As Edward gently entered me for the first time, even though I wanted to assure him I was completely fine, my eyes watered from the piercing pain of his manhood stretching me. Even after stretching me with his fingers I was still so tight. "Shhh, love. It's okay. I'm so sorry."

"No, no. Keep going. I need you to make love to me."

When Edward broke through my hymen I cried out, and he recoiled instantly. As he quickly tried to pull out of me I grabbed onto his hair to make him look at me, to show him that I wanted this. But, what I wasn't expecting was for him to start purring. If he could blush he would have.

He opened his eyes and they were black. "God, Bella." He instantly pushed back into me, sliding all the way in. As we made love that night he constantly peppered me with kisses and held me tight. The experience was otherworldly as he filled me repeatedly. And the feeling of his cold flesh warming and pulsing within me, almost as if his heart had started to beat again, was like no other. No one could ask for a more amazing lover than Edward.

Just watching Edward build toward his release as he moaned, groaned, and whimpered brought me closer to the edge. As he buried his face into the crook of my neck he pleaded, "God….Bella…love, come for me."

Instantly my walls shuddered and pulsed around him, hugging his engorged manhood. As I cried out in pleasure Edward tensed as a sensual growl ripped from his chest. Panting and gasping we collapsed onto my bed together. As he held me to his chest, humming my lullaby to me, I fell into a peaceful slumber.

-:-

When I woke up the next morning, my muscles ached. And as I opened my eyes, I realized that a certain bronze-haired vampire was missing. I figured that he must have gone hunting after we made love, while I was sleeping. That was sure to have put a strain on him.

I grabbed my usual outfit of comfy jeans and a t-shirt, wrapped a towel around my naked body, and made my way to the bathroom to get ready for school. Once I was in the bathroom I placed my clothes on the counter, and hung my towel on the rack next to the shower. Waiting for the water to warm up for my shower, I turned towards the mirror. And froze.

My pelvis, hips, thighs, torso and hands were mottled with purple, and blue bruises. That was why he left. Edward would have seen the bruises and freaked out. He would also most likely be blaming himself. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed that he was holding me _that_ tight last night. That explained why I was so sore when I woke up.

Deciding not to dwell on it, I got into the shower. The hot water instantly soothed my aching body. Though I tried to relax, and keep my mind blank, I couldn't rid my mind of the fact that there would most likely be an argument between Edward and I later in the day.

After I had dried off from the shower, dressed, and finished getting ready for school (and thanked god that Edward hadn't held my arms last night so I could wear a t-shirt) I grabbed a poptart from the kitchen and headed towards the door picking up my bag on my way through the entry way.

When I got to school, Edward was waiting for me. Though I was expecting the grim, brooding look on his face, it still hurt that this was the result of something that, to me, was one of the best moments of my life.

We didn't say a word as we walked to class. We didn't speak a word in class. We didn't say _anything _the entire school day. Not even at lunch when there's nothing to do _but_ talk. Even Alice was more quiet than usual.

I expected everything to blow over once Edward and I were able to get everything out after school. I expected things to go back to normal. I was wrong.

At the end of the day, Edward told me that he'd meet me at my house. And that was it. Nothing more. No smile, no touching. Just flat words.

-:-

At my house, Edward and I slowly walked up to my room. Luckily Charlie was working a late shift and wouldn't be home for hours. We could yell as much as we wanted.

I sat down on my bed, and Edward stood standing near my door. Arms crossed, one hand occasionally running through his hair. As I silently took him in, I realized that this was different than all our other arguments and disputes.

"Edward?" I asked hesitantly.

His eyes shot up to mine, almost as if he was just realizing that I was there with him. Letting out a big sigh, he began, "Bella…last night…" he sighed again, dragging his hand through his hair. My heart was beating double time, it felt as if it might just beat right out of my chest. "Last night was a mistake." _Smack_ "Afterwards, I realized that what we've been doing isn't right. I shouldn't be stringing you along." _Punch_ "It's time I tell you the truth."

My heart beat faster, aching in my chest. Each thing he told me was a blow to that small, pulsating organ. I tried to speak, to stop him from telling me. I didn't want to know. Unfortunately, my throat was constricted by a lump, telling me, I was going to cry soon.

"Bella…I've never really loved you." _Kick_ "I just….It was a bet…between all of us. They wanted to see how far I could take this…And, well, since Tanya had no real objections…I thought, why not?" _Stab._

"Tanya?" my heart, under the strain, felt like it was skipping beats, screaming at me to shut my ears to his words. To save myself.

He looked straight into my eyes, delivering the two words that were my undoing. "My mate." _Death Blow_ "It was all a game, Bella." It was too late to stop the tears. Too late to shut my ears to his words, the hurt. It was too late to stop my heart from completely shattering.

"Everything…..was a _lie?_" I implored, begging him with my eyes to take it back. But he only nodded. There was one more thing I needed to know. It was morbid, but I _needed _to know. "Why me?"

He looked startled for a moment, like he wasn't expecting my question. "Because - because you were innocent, naïve, and…pathetic enough to fall for it."

And I understood. All my doubts and insecurities weren't unfounded. They were all right. All those times I thought to myself, _Why would someone like Edward love someone like me?_ I was right to ask that of myself. I just wasn't getting the truth from the one person whose answer mattered.

And that's exactly what I told him. "Ok. I…I understand."

"Bella. My family and I are staying in town. It would just seem weird if we left just because I broke up with you. But- um…stay away from us. There's nothing left for you with us. Ok?"

I nodded. He turned to leave. "Wait!" He froze. "Edward….even if it was all fake to you…it was real for me. And I…I really do hope you're happy with Tanya. I love you enough to let you go be happy with someone else. Someone that deserves you. Just…when I'm gone in sixty years…remember that."

Silence filled the air for countless, tense moments. And then he was gone. Vanished into the air, with a speed my weak, human eyes couldn't comprehend.

And as he disappeared, so did everything happy, good, and light within me. As the darkness of the real world sank upon my shoulders, I laid down, numb and silent, praying to drown in it.


End file.
